Thankfulness

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." Psalm 27:4

 

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalm 91:11-12

 

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10

 

 

Held safely in the palm of His hand. It did not escape me that there was very little I could humanly do as I held my precious baby in my arms. As his usually rambunctious and vibrancy for life quickly drained from his little body, the tears from my eyes increased. "Save him, Oh Lord," I pleaded. I begged. So fearful I was losing my son, I yelled louder as if that's what God needed in order to hear my desperate cries. "Please don't take him today, Lord! Not today." As I drove him to the hospital fearful of losing him, my thoughts turned to the Lord and I was reminded again we are not in control! Life is precious. It can change in an instant. God's ways and thoughts are not ours. He works all things for the good of those who love Him.

 

I'm unsure of the why behind what happened to my little boy Christmas day. But I am sure that the Lord's Will always prevails, and that He can take anything and bring good out of it. I am sure God had (has) His hand on my little boy today - and every day. Held safely in the palm of His hand.

 

And I'm so very thankful. I'm thankful and praise God that He gave me another day, another minute, another second with my sweet little boy. I'm thankful that the prayers of many were heard today. So much to be thankful for. Today, that little boy brought his mama closer to Jesus in prayer. That little boy brought a close family even closer together. That little boy brought many people to Jesus in prayer today. That little boy brought new faces and familiar faces together today. And that little boy reminded us all just how precious life is and just how much even 1 minute matters. Thankful. Held safely in the palm of His hand.

 

Thankful

 

I am amazed at what I see when I look all around.

So many blessings can be found.

 

My heart is filled with a joyous and thankful song.

May the Lord's praises be sung all day long!

 

From out of the trenches You have rescued me,

And have shown me a new way to be.

 

Only You could do such a marvelous thing.

How great is Your love to me - all praises to You I will sing!

 

Never Forsaken

 

You were there that day

When my world was falling away.

 

You called to me and spoke my name out loud.

I was so scared I was lost, but in You I was found.

 

Never by You was I forsaken.

But all along named and taken.

 

You came to get me that night.

In speaking my name, You told me it would be more than alright.

In You, I would be given new sight.



Hope

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them."
Psalm 34:4-7
 

As I write this, it is the day before Christmas Eve. All is currently calm. And by calm I mean my soul is at rest. I can't help but reflect on the past year. A year ago, all was definitely not calm. Turmoil was to the left, to the right, to the front and to the back (I think there's a song for that). So much has changed in my life, and it has very little to do with me and a whole lot to do with the Lord and His promises. "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18).

Christmas has a whole new meaning for me this year. Now, don't get me wrong. I've always before seen "Jesus as the reason for the season," but this year it's different for me. I close my eyes and see that perfect little baby lying in a manger and I'm standing there right beside Him. My heart belongs to that sinless baby. I think about that baby and am overwhelmed with joy, thankfulness and praise that that little baby came to save me from my brokenness.

Christmas is about the hope we can find in that little baby. Christmas is about the unconditional, self-sacrificial love found in that little baby.

A year ago, my hopes and dreams were few and far between. I wondered if the emptiness I felt inside could ever be filled with joy and laughter again. Today, I have never felt more joy and have laughed as much as I do now. The emptiness I once felt is filled with hope and love because of what that little baby lying in a manger did for me. As for my dreams...I dream much bigger these days. I dream for the day I will be in the eternal presence of that little baby and finally be home...and fully complete.

Under the Shelter of Your Love

 

Under the shelter of Your love,

You watch over me from Heaven above.
 

All things in my life You have promised to work for good,

Having been predestined to be like Christ, as You knew I would.
 

Out of all the poor choices and broken dreams,

You still triumph and come to redeem.
 

You come to the oppressed to deliver and save.

We, in Christ, are no longer condemned by the grave.
 

My life because of You is anew.

You now ask that I do as You would do.
 

You see beyond that which has ripped me apart.

And see the goodness no longer hidden deep within my heart.
 

You ask me to patiently wait for Your call,

And in You will be the confidence to deliver Your message standing tall.
 

Within me is the Spirit of Life.

It drives out all worldly strife.
 

How humbled and privileged to be called to this greater purpose,

When surely I don't deserve this!
 

You have come to save,

And, with this, the peace of understanding You gave.
 

You have given me salvation.

It is Your proclamation.
 

You have healed me and made me whole,

Restoring my body, mind and soul.
 

You give me what I need and more than I've asked for,

Because it is me that You adore.
 

What a great gift this is,

And all because I AM HIS!

December 14, 2012

"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth - he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do...

 

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.

 

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

 

Psalm 33: 12-15; 18-22

 

 

RISE UP

 

Rise up, rise up and for our Lord fight.

Christians, I'm calling you - Come out this night!

Free from us evil one, no more may we be held down in fright.

 

With the Lord by our side,

His light will be the lantern that will be our guide.

 

Through His mercy and grace,

The power has been given to take back this place.

 

No longer will we live shackled by fear.

With the Lord as our center, we will persevere!

 

Let us take back the night.

May the love of the Lord be our vision and our sight.

 

The time is now, Christians, we are in need.

For it is our dear brothers and sisters that are wounded and bleed.

 

Let us be ready Lord, send us on Thy way.

Lord, have mercy. This we pray. 

Jesus, My Friend

Jesus, My Friend

 

Oh, Dearest Jesus, how I long to hear

With anticipation and an eager ear

 

For the day in which You will to me come

Telling me Thy Will has been done.

 

"Good and faithful servant," will be the words You speak.

"In obedience to My Word, you have become humble and meek."

 

And then, to me, You will say the words I have so desperately longed for.

"Today, my friend, I have come to take you home and live with me you shall forever more.

 

No more suffering and pain,

For the Kingdom of God is now your gain.

 

Like a Father who stands near His obedient child lovingly and proud,

You held fast to Truth and did not succumb to the evilness of the crowd.

 

For you opened your heart and accepted Me in thought and deed,

Recognizing that it is I who fills each and every need.

 

All of your sins have been washed away.

And in magnificent glory you shall be with Me this day."

 

Until, Dearest Jesus, that day will arise,

Plant within my heart the Holy Spirit to be wise.

 

Please lead me in Thy holy ways.

And bless each and every one of my days.

 

Open my heart to willingly obey and trust,

Knowing that this command from You is a must.

 

"There is work here yet to be done.

But take heart knowing the victory has already been won.

 

I know you cannot see what lies before you,

But there is something here for you to do.

 

Feel My powerful hand rest your fearful heart.

I am always with you and will never from you in this life depart." 

Promises

"For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and will be at ease, without fear of harm." Proverbs 1:32-33

"Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you." Proverbs 2:9-11

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken." Psalm 34:17-20


Promises of the Lord

 

When I am feeling low,

And my mind wanders to places I do not want to go,

 

With all of my heart I seek You out.

When I focus on Your promises, gone are the worries and doubt.

 

For You have made known Your promises to me,

When I walk the path of obedience and with my heart believe.

 

When the path along this journey becomes too long,

The Holy Spirit revives and makes fresh the beauty of the Lord's song.

 

You remind me my home is not here in this place.

And belong I finally will when I see My Father's face.

 

"In the midst of your turmoil I will come to meet you there.

I will love you through it, all the while showing you how much for you I care.

 

I have filled your heart with the Holy Spirit's love.

Only such a gift can come from the Father in Heaven above.

 

Through every fallen and shed tear,

I have promised to be near.

 

Even when it appears your world is unraveling and falling apart,

The Holy Spirit remains rooted deep within your heart.

 

Though others may walk away,

I will always with you stay.

 

I will be by your side.

My Light, My Word, shall be your guide.

 

Stay the Lord's course and be blessed.

For it is in Me that you will find your soul's rest.

 

I will deliver you from the depths of despair.

And the cloak of righteousness you will surely wear.

 

I will love you with an everlasting and undying love.

My love for you is honest and true.  

No one on this earth can love you as I do.

 

My plans for you are not to harm but are for good.

Trust in Me to let My Will unfold as it should." 

God's Power

"All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:25-27

I'm coming to realize just how powerful God truly is. Don't get me wrong. In my mind I always knew of His mighty power. But, it wasn't until I felt the mysterious power of the Lord within me that I am now completely awestruck by just how great it truly is!

Consider John 14:25-27 for a minute. God's presence with us is the Holy Spirit within. Although Jesus is not "physically" present, He has given us the Holy Spirit to live like Jesus, to be reminded of His ways, to know His knowledge and wisdom, to be ambassadors for Christ and to have the feeling of belonging. We belong to Christ!

So often it is easy to feel abandoned and alone as a single parent in this world. But, He never abandons or leaves us. When the Holy Spirit is within us, we are NEVER alone, and we always have a partner and a place of belonging. No matter where we are or what circumstance we face we can call upon the Lord to help us, and He will be there. What an amazing gift this is. NEVER ALONE. To feel this, read and study God's Word. Ask Him to walk with you, to heal the broken places in your heart and to show you what unconditional love and acceptance is.

The Holy Spirit makes His home within those who love the Lord (John 14:23). Those who do not know the Lord cannot begin to describe His majesty and power, because they do not seek Him. When the Lord lives within your heart you know it (John 14:16-18). Your love for Him and His holy power make you want to live differently.

 

God's Power

 

In my affliction I call out Your holy name.

Thy name is power and ordinary is no longer the same,

And in my afflicted state I no longer remain.

 

In hearing Thy name,

Your enemies fall down on their knees and cower.

For great and supreme is that of the Lord's power.

 

When Your praises are sung out,

Gone are the devil's strongholds of worry and doubt.

 

I cannot be held down and buried,

When it is by the Lord I am carried! 

Joy

"For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy."

1 Thessalonians 2: 19-20

I haven't lost it all but have in fact gained everything.

For a long time I thought I had lost it all - my family, reputation, financial security, health and heart. But, it is when I "lost" these things that I in fact gained so much more than I ever imagined could be possible. There is nothing now "ordinary" and "comfortable" about my life. And, I am finding I like it that way. There are so many mysterious things that God puts in my path everyday. In hindsight, I think they've always been there but I am now able to actually see them.

My heart treasured the things above, but the Lord came to show me that all of these things can be taken from me. In Him there is unconditional love, acceptance, security, peace and joy. So much joy...He came to show me that my heart's desire is for a relationship with Him. When the Lord is my center and my heart's treasure, I have this incredible joy. I want to live different. When the Lord lives within my heart, I see the world and people differently. I see things through the lens of the Lord. It is not condemning yet loving (Romans).  

It is understanding that we're all fighting against the same enemy. When I look to the Lord, I can live life to the fullest despite what is happening around and to me no matter how bleak things may appear (John 10:10). Because no matter what happens to me and my children, we are in the Lord's hands. We are HIS (Isaiah 43:1), and I am Healed In Suffering.

There is such power in picking up the Lord's Word and reading it. But, when you come to feel the presence of God within your heart, you cannot contain the joy. You want to shout out in praise and thanks for what He has done for you.

I once read something that said the devil hates all things loved by the God, and he attacks those who love the Lord and follow Him. I think of how remarkable it is then that the God of the universe loves me so very much (Ephesians 1:4), because the devil has been pretty outspoken about his feelings towards me! For a relationship with the Lord, I would give it all up. My Jesus is the most constant real, everything I have (Philippians 3:7-8). Thank you for rescuing me Jesus...

Joy

Inside my heart feels ready to explode.
For your story is the greatest one ever told.

How honored and humbled I am of this story to be a part.
You have given Your power, the Holy Spirit, to dwell within my heart.

When I choose to honor You in each and every step,
I come to know You with even greater depth.

When I choose to honor You through it all,
Nothing can separate me from You. I will not fall.

No fear can bring me down.
Not when it is my Jesus who wears the righteous crown.

When I understand the gifts that You give,
Acting out in love is how I want to live.

I want my thoughts, actions and words to be instruments of praise.
For you have filled me with joy and purpose in unimaginable ways.

I have found the secret to this life on earth.
It has been given to me by the Lord through rebirth.

When relationship with You is my goal.
Filled beyond measure is my heart and soul.

I am filled with gratitude for You Almighty and Gracious One.
For what an incredible thing for me You have done!

Let me therefore never be the same,
As I loudly declare and bring witness to Your holy name!

Amen! Amen! I will shout from the mountain top.
Let glory, honor and praise to You never stop!

Oh, most Merciful God, I bow before You in awe.
For it is with my heart, the presence of God I most certainly saw! 

Faithfulness

Faithfulness

 

Oh, Lord, I am in need.

Hear, Oh Merciful One, my plead.

 

I feel as though I am falling.

Can You, My Lord, hear me calling?

 

I cannot seem to keep afloat.

I am too afraid to get out of the boat.

 

My heart is fragile and in pain.

And life from my body seems to slowly drain.

 

I cannot keep going.

How do I press forward, Lord, without knowing?

 

"Faithfulness is a journey you learn as you walk.

When you walk with Me and not in front, you will hear Me talk.

 

In your fear and confusion walk ahead of Me you do.

And in doing such your fear only consumes you.

 

Have I not brought you this way?

Having kept evil and harm at bay?

 

Have I not brought you this far?

Have I not told you how you outshine each and every star?

 

Yet you doubt and fear,

Instead of coming to Me to be near.

 

You have stepped off the path.

And by doing so you now feel sin's wrath.

 

My commands and plans are still the same.

But by going your own way, have chosen to change the game.

 

Have I not provided for you in every way?

I have given you what has been needed to live each day.

 

Remember, when you look down instead of up,

Empty will be your cup.

 

You have taken your eyes off of Me.

And because of it you are now blind, and hope you no longer can see.

 

Your focus is on the fear.

You cannot serve this and expect at the same time Me to be near.

 

You must make the choice.

Do you want to hear My voice?

 

Then cast the fear aside,

And rest in knowing that I will always be by your side!" 

Walking with Jesus

My Walk with Jesus

When my problems seem bigger than mountains, God gives me His peace and tells me not to lean on my own understanding.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

*I walk with Jesus.*

When my heart aches from the sting of pain and betrayal, God comes to restore my broken heart and makes it new. 

He says, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

*I walk with Jesus.*

When I am troubled by worldly things and feel fearful, God comes to remind me that this world is not my home.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.''  John 10:10

He tells me, "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

He knows "...the whole world is under the control of the evil one." 1 John 5:19

*I walk with Jesus.*

When it feels as though my circumstances offer little or no hope, God reminds me that hope and plans to prosper me are found in Him. They are His promises which He has written for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

*I walk with Jesus.*

When my mind and thoughts are infested with confusion, God reveals to me what is in my heart and enables the Holy Spirit to cleanse my mind of ungodly things.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Romans 8:1

"Godly sorrow brings repentenance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10
"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2
"...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
"...For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34

*I walk with Jesus.*

When I am given a gift and am blessed continuously by God, He reminds me of just how much I am loved- that He would give His only Son for my soul, that He would put aside Himself for sinful me.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

*I walk with Jesus.*

When He provides me with what I need each and every day, He reminds me to live in the day's glory and splendor, focusing not on what tomorrow will bring but on the blessings held in the present day.

"So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all of these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31-33

*I walk with Jesus.*

When He lifts my spirit in times of great despair, He reminds me to seek Him out, to talk with Him, to be with Him, to find peace and solace.  

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

*I walk with Jesus.*

When He calls me to provide counsel and minister to others, He reminds me that I am wonderfully made. I am made in His image, to be glorious for Him and to let His light shine through me.

"And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." Romans 8:30

"...let your light shine before men..." Matthew 5:16

"...you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..." Philippians 2:15-16
"But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it." Ephesians 4:7
"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God." 1 Peter 4:10-11

*I walk with Jesus.*

When He gives me His strength in my exhaustion, He reminds me how much I need Him to sustain me. I am humbled that I have a Savior I can go to who will listen, love and speak to me.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, he will never leave nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

"Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler." Proverbs 6:4-5

*I walk with Jesus.*

When I walk with Jesus...

My mindset is different. I live fully alive. I become the me I want to be.

I live the life God intended me to live.

*I walk with Jesus.*

*And I am different because of it.*

God's Perfect Timing

"O our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."

2 Chronicles 20:12

 

Have you ever had one of those moments when you don't know what to do (aka you're stuck between a rock and a hard place)? You want to do the right thing. Your heart is in a good place. But, you're not sure where God is calling you or why He continues to allow you to struggle through something?

 

It's tempting to become so frustrated and allow hopelessness to sink in. I think one of the devil's most effective strategies is through our thoughts. A thought sneaks in that is less than cheerful and uplifting to the soul. Left unchecked and left to linger this thought festers within. Once in, it then opens the doors for other untruthful thoughts to sneak in. And, before you know it, the doors open wide and untruthful thoughts are no longer 'sneaking in' but are in fact walking straight on in as if they were meant to be there. It doesn't take long before these untruthful thoughts take up residence and do what they do best - wreak havoc.

 

It happens subtly at first, as the thoughts casually meander in. But before you know it there is a full on out pity party taking place within you head. It becomes so crowded in there that there's no room for the truth. In order for the truth to enter in something has to leave (or rather be kicked out). And so, just as the lies and negative thoughts took up residence over time, so must they come out through the process of refinement. They must be exposed - each and every one of them - and then healed.

 

Some of these lies we have allowed in have taken a lifetime to build, and thus will require time (and the healing hand of the Lord) to evacuate. The good news is - we can be free from them! When we ask God to expose them He does. He then helps us to see them for what they are - lies from the devil meant to hold us captive. The only way to freedom from them is through God. The only way.

 

And this is not exactly an easy process. There is struggle in the process, in the journey. There is pain. There are tears. But, it is the only way to freedom. How long God keeps us in one of these refining periods, I believe, is as He sees we need. His perfect timing. His ways, not mine.

 

I think of where I am right now. I want to say to God, "Okay, thanks for the lesson, God. I've had about enough now. I think I get what you're trying to teach me. But, I've about had all I can handle now. Are we good then?" I feel God has taught me much on my journey as a SP - unconditional love, self-sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, self-control, gentleness and kindness. So, naturally then, I ponder what else could He be trying to teach me through all this (yes, to some of you the answer to this question is quite clear)? Still there is more?! And then He reminds me refinement is a process. God's process. His perfect timing.

 

It finally dawned on me (so sometimes I'm "slow" but I blame it on the sleep deprivation) that God continues to teach me faithfulness and trust. I often wonder how much longer the sleepless nights will continue (my 11 month old still does not sleep through the night and my 3 year old wakes up just about every night). There is no explanation that I'm able to get up the next morning (and by the look of me you'd probably shout out a 'Lord have mercy! This mama gonna need lots of that mercy today!'). But God continues to pull me through this. I'm not dragging my sails at work (for the most part). I'm actually accomplishing things. He is my strength. Of this, I'm sure!

 

Daily, He shows me how faithful He is and that He's not forsaken me to go out and do this all alone. Trust. Faithfulness is a journey. We build our faith when we trust in God along, in,and during the journey. Our struggles produce faithfulness. And, yet, another thing I've learned through SPing. And, I'm awestruck by Jesus' majesty. He's teaching me how to be and live like Him by being a SP. He's developing the Fruits of the Spirit within me. And I'm honored, humbled, amazed, awestruck that He has chosen sinful me - that He loves me so much that He wants me to be like Him - to witness for Him. What a privilege! What a gift!

 

 

Wait Upon the Lord

 

My Lord tells me to wait upon Him alone.

And great blessings will reign down from the throne.

 

I come before You with the needs that are in my heart.

Holy Spirit, come and dwell within and never from me depart.

 

I will look to You to fulfill me in every way.

Set Thy perfect Will within me - this I pray.

 

Daily You show me Your mercy and grace.

And through Your power give joy to live in this earthly place.

 

Let my life be an instrument for You -

To witness in love and do as You do. 



Grace

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."

Romans 10: 9-11

As a SP, the topic of grace is so near and dear to my heart. I'm so thankful for God's incredible gift of grace. If you don't, first of, understand that God is a loving and forgiving God this thing called grace may be easily lost. If you don't see yourself as a sinner who makes countless mistakes and is in need of constant forgiveness, grace may continue to be a nebulous concept (Romans 3:23).

As a SP (and as a human being), I am so in need of God's constant grace. I can be doing great one minute...The sun is shining. Inside my home the thermometer reads a pleasant 75 degrees. There is so much joyous laughter that its source cannot be determined, because it appears to pour out from every room of the house. And, then, in a matter of moments things can deteriorate quickly. A dark cloud appears covering the radiance of the sun, the thermometer rises to a steamy 85 degrees and laughter is replaced by less than soothing words. What just happened here?! All things were going well! Who got off the train to "happy town?" And, what direction is this train now headed in exactly?!

Ever think about how parenting is a constant test of your patience and how it exposes you? The morning starts out great - smiling faces welcome mom as she gives the 'good morning greeting' (okay so I have 1 out of 2 who honestly start out this way). And then...hungry tummies take over your precious children and the list of demands is initiated. It's as though a flip of a switch has now activated the 'get it for me now or else sequence.' You recognize the look in their faces, and are cognizant this is nothing to mess around with! It has never been more high stakes than in this very moment. You must move fast with precision and efficiency. There is absolutely no room for error! And just like that it happens... The business mentality takes over and you've gone from lovin mama to conquering task master. Perspective drips away and what follows is less than God-centered. We've all been there. Your head feels like it's going to explode! And then you sigh thinking to yourself, "Ah, I thought I was doing so well too!" You shake your head and wonder if there's hope for you...

With God there is exactly just that - hope AND grace. And here's another amazing thing about our God. He forgives us when we feel shame and embarrassment over the way we've acted. And He gives us grace to counter with the forgiveness. I'm so undeserving of the gift, but He gives it to everyone because of who He is! He lets me know He is there, ready to forgive. There is nothing He won't forgive when we repent and confess. He says, "Start again." He tells me to quit striving for perfection and to take one step at a time. With an attitude like this I can (and will) make progress. It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay not to have all the answers. It's okay to make mistakes.

You see, God looks for what's in our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). I certainly don't wake up with high hopes to lose my patience by 8 am and cloud my head with as many negative thoughts as is humanly possible in order to be the best me-centered decision-maker that day. I think God knows what we're up against (aka this thing called 'sinful human nature'). Who and what I hope to be like each and every day is Jesus. I want to exhibit the Fruits of the Spirit and live like Jesus did (Galatians 5:22-23).

A Grace I Never Knew

 

Exposed, vulnerable and bare

You come to where I am and meet me there.

 

In failure and loss,

You gently pull me to the cross.

 

In weakness and struggle the path is revealed and made clear.

It is what has brought me here.

 

On my knees I bow before You - weak and with nothing in hand.

With a loving gaze, You gently pick me up to stand.

 

You look me in the eyes and tell me, "My grace has always been enough.

Never have I expected you to handle it all - to be so tough.

 

It is where you are weak

That I can begin to speak.

 

It is in failure, down on your knee

When you are able to truly see.

 

For it is where you are weak and in the obstacle you face.

It is then you understand My gift of grace." 

Journey

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," 'declares the Lord.' "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  

Isaiah 55:8-9

 

Patience has never been one of my more refined fruits of the Spirit. One might see the potential problem here, considering I am a single mom raising two very young children who require exuberant amounts of patience. Ah, yes, I do believe God has a sense of humor...But, more than that, He knows what I need to learn. I'm beginning to see things differently in this new season of my life.

 

Consider something with me for a minute...If Heaven is our true home (and where perfect lives), then I sure have a lot to learn before I get there. Maybe this earthly life (struggles included) is preparation for home. I can't be in Heaven with less than the required amount of patience (other fruits of the Spirit also included - love, self-control, faithfulness, joy, peace). Looked at from this perspective, Jesus has a lot of refining to do in me. And one of the ways I believe He does this is through our struggles and suffering. It doesn't exactly make sense to us, but then again God's ways are far above our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).

 

I try to remind myself of this, especially on the trying and difficult days. There are still days when it seems to rain all day long and that storm cloud follows me wherever I go. I go right. It goes right. I go left. It proceeds left and tugs at my heel. I do so well and then it feels like I back track. I cry out to the Lord perplexed by my state. I wonder why I'm here again, and then I feel disappointed that I'm not trusting God to be in complete control of my life. Patience. In God's perfect timing. Surrender.

 

I go through the questions: Where is my focus? On God? On me? On what the world tells me I should be? I pull out God's Word and start reading. I'm reminded that God has more for me to learn yet. It's a process. It's a journey. I may not like the path I'm on. My fleshy side reminds me of this daily. But, then I refocus my thinking to center on the premise that God is trying to teach me something through this. He has promised a future of hope (Jeremiah 29:11). It is a daily, true exercise in "mind-control."

 

Journey

Oh, Lord, how much longer must I suffer?

The path I'm on does not get easier but becomes tougher.

 

In anguish and despair,

My hope is fading and along with it my desire to care.

Why can life seem so unfair?

 

How much longer must I wait,

And be resigned to this feeble state?

 

I seek You out.  I pray.

But the suffering continues day after day.

 

"Have you forgotten My ways are not your ways.

I did not promise, on this earth, painless days.

 

I've called you to come out from the comfort you once knew.

Like a willing servant you listened and therefore spiritually grew.

 

Did I not bring you from out of that dungeonous pit?

My child, do not worry. Do not quit.

 

I know this journey you are on is long.

But I need for you to keep going - to be strong.

 

There are still things I need for you to learn in order to become wise.

Only then will you be able to stand up and fully rise.

 

I know you are lonely and in despair.

But, hold on, you are almost there.

 

Walk with Me. Do not cast Me aside.

It is in Me and to whom you can confide.

 

Keep your eyes focused on Me.

Close them shut, quiet your mind and you will see.

 

There I am standing with outstretched arms.

My words are simple. Do not be overcome with such alarm.

 

You are My chosen one.

With you, I am not done.

 

You are different, as you've always known.

I have special plans for you that will not be overthrown.

 

Your path is not the same.

You do not need worldly fortune and fame.

 

I am what you need.

I will supply and your mouth I will feed.

 

Cast from your life envy and greed.

By doing such you will from worry be freed.

 

Look not at the world around you to define who you are.

I give you meaning and purpose and that makes you My star.

 

When I am in you, light from you pours out.

You belong to Me, let there be no doubt.

 

Now, it is time to get up and go.

I am with you on this journey. This you must always know. 

Refuge

"In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me."

Psalm 31: 1-2

 

"Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak."

Psalm 31: 9-10

 

 

It is truly amazing what God does when I take it all too Him. I can be completely exhausted and feel overwhelmed, but He gives me the strength I need. He answers those who call out to Him in their affliction (Job 36:15, Psalm 91). It is so incredibly mysterious and unexplainable in a human sense. As a single parent, it is so easy to feel weak, overburdened and overwhelmed. We wonder, "Will I make it through?" I've learned that the answer to this question depends on who I ask. In the Lord, the answer is always "yes!" And, for those who wait and call upon Him, He provides joy, peace and wisdom. If I rely on myself or look to the world to answer this question, I am met with even more exhaustion, frustration and disappointment.  

 

When I read His Word, He speaks to me. He comforts me. He restores me. He fulfills my empty cup. And, I am humbled. I am amazed by His great love for me. My weaknesses, in Him and because of Him, turn to strengths. My sorrow turns to elation. My emptiness is filled. My heavy-laden spirit soars. My worry turns to freedom. All of these things are because of the Lord. He gives me His grace. He shows me his love, kindness and mercy.

 

The Lord Sustains Me

 

When I feel I've had enough

And everything seems too tough,

 

The Lord calls to me.

"Come, I will set thee free."

 

When I'm exhausted and have nothing more to give,

The Lord beckons me and tells me He can make me live.

 

When my spirit feels heavy-laden and low,

The Lord draws near to me never letting go.

 

When it all seems too much and I just want to give up,

The Lord refills and overflows my once empty cup.

 

When I feel weak and my circumstances appear bleak,

The Lord provides the words to speak.

 

When I worry if I'll make it through,

The Lord instructs me - He shows me what to do.

 

"Come to Me, you who are weary and worn down.

Remember, it is I who wear the crown.

 

Those who fear upon the Lord and come to Me,

Their eyes will be opened to see.

 

For when you with your heart believe,

You are then ready to receive.

 

The mysteries of the Lord are great,

For those who upon Me do wait.

 

Only I am able to provide what you look for.

Seek Me and what you ask will be given when you knock upon My door.

 

The world will look at you in disbelief.

For they cling to the world's great thief to provide them with relief.

 

I will provide you with new and eternal life.

My greatest gift will be to take you from this earthly strife.

 

Only I can restore.

Seek Me and you will find your heart's desire for more." 

Spiritual Warfare

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Ephesians 6:10-11

 

I never quite understood spiritual warfare before I met in head on. I'd even, humbly, admit I was naive to its existence. But I would get a 'crash course' on it whether I wanted to believe it existed or not. I learned some very important lessons about the devil and his thrifty and cunning ways of deception...

 

First, he'll use anything he can to lure you into depths of despair, and once there he will try to keep you there. He will shackle you arms and legs to a ball and chain called, "self." He will attack you where you are weak, get you to give into that 'selfish desire' and will then hold you there held captive by the shame you feel because you allowed yourself to give in to it. Or, rather, maybe someone has done something to you - has inflicted pain that cannot be expressed to the degree appropriated through mere words. Sensing your pain, he entices you to feel justified (you don't surely deserve this). And then just before the curtain closes, he will take from you that which will end the show for good - your hope (what's the point you ask yourself).

 

In hindsight, I can now see many incidences of spiritual attacks on my life, one of them being my fear of SPing. You see, my fear was that I wouldn't have enough patience. Would I be able to give my children enough love? Could I possibly teach them everything they needed to know? My thoughts were flooded by "cant's," "no-ways," and "not-possibles." This thinking had taken a hold on my mind. They had become 'strongholds' originating from the devil who was so "graciously" (NOT) sharing them with me. As long as I continued to think this way, I couldn't move into being the mother God wanted me to be.

 

So...I asked God to come to me in my fear of being a SP. I did this by reading His Word, talking to Him about every aspect of my life and writing (that which I believed to be from Him). I asked Him to give me peace and quiet my troubled mind from thoughts of "can't" to "will do!" And...God responded by showing me what an amazing gift He gives to those who choose to follow Him. "For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ" (1 Corinthians 2:16-17) and our minds have been renewed when they are in Christ (Romans 12:2, Ephesians 4:22-24).

 

Here's another amazing gift. God recognizes the whole world is under the control of the evil one  and that the devil is the ruler of this earthly existence (1 John 5:19) . This is why He gives us His authority and power to fight the devil (Colossians 2:9-10). He gives us His power and comes in our suffering and struggle to partner with us. More "mysteriousness" yet again as one might ask how is this possible? This does not make sense to my "logical human brain!"

 

I've been a SP for over a year now (and it is still strange for me to write that). There have been days I have gone to work on two and a half hours of sleep and have then had to come home and care for my babies by myself. There are still days when I wake up more exhausted than when I went to bed. Physically, there is no explanation that could logically explain this repetitive cycle of extreme sleep deprivation minus the crash and burn result (let us also not forget the mere fact that these sentences are somehow fitting together to produce a coherent thought is witness to God's magnificence).

 

I do not claim to know much, but what I do know is that every time I ask God (okay - plead) for His strength to cover my weaknesses He does. No longer are my thoughts focused on "cant's" and "not-possibles," because with God all things are possible (Philippians 4:11-13). God is more powerful than anything the devil can try to throw at us. But, here's the thing. God will not force Himself upon us. He waits for us to seek out His help, and He offers this amazing gift called PEACE (Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 107:13-14). Who couldn't use a little more P.E.A.C.E. in their lives?!

 

Here's a little something I wrote to help remind me "it's a battle out there" and I have the Lord's authoritative power to fight against it. It is based from Ephesians 6:10-18.

 

Put on the Armor of the Lord

 This morning as I rise,

I pray for Your guidance to be wise.

 

Please cover me with Your grace,

And set the breastplate of righteousness firmly in place.

 

Buckled around my waist, may the belt of truth be tight.

With fitted feet, may I be ready with the gospel of peace and prepared for the day's fight.

 

The helmet of salvation please put upon my head.

You give me the shield of faith in order that I may be led.

 

In hand and heart I take with me the Spirit's sword.

And combat the enemy with the Word of the Lord.

 

Be with me in this day.

This, I most certainly do pray.