"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
January 13, 2013
It is nearly 8 pm and my night is drawing to an "end" (as a single parent is there ever really an "end?!"). It is my one hour of quiet time before I take my nightly nap (of maybe five hours) and then once again proceed with my day. The blessing of being a single parent - maximize every moment.
I prayed to God with a heavy heart last night. I asked Him to help me in my exhausted, sleep deprived state. It has been a long (although one might say short) month of little sleep. Weekly trips to the doctor, 1 ER visit and a life and death experience (which is by no means a dramatic exaggeration). It doesn't get more "lifetime mini-drama series" than that. I asked Him in my weakened state to help me move this mountain tugging on my heart. Tired. Beyond exhausted. In tears. Feeling alone. Nothing left to give.
Beginning to feel forsaken, I asked Him for a sign - a message - hope - anything to know He was still here and that He didn't leave me. Abandonment. It could become my life's theme if I allowed it to be. As my day began to unfold I wondered if He had heard me at all. Silence. I felt, at first, convinced He surely had gone His own way.
The crying of a 15-month-old who would not sleep. The cries of a 3-year-old too afraid to sleep in her bed. Already going on too little sleep, it was all too much for the throbbing pain in my head. Where have you gone? I wondered aloud. Sandwiched in between my precious children, we huddled together battling sickness and over-exhaustion. I quickly realized there would be no plans today. My plans would be cast aside.
With little energy I picked up to read my devotions. 1 Corinthians 10:13..."And God is faithful..." He was speaking to me, but onward I trotted with the day. Noses to wipe and floors to clean. He would appear to me again, this time through the radio..."An encouraging word from 1 Corinthians 10:13..." He was showing me, speaking to me all of this time. He was telling me I'm here. I've always been. Continue onward I went, drained and spent.
In prayer I begged Him to help me. I'm afflicted, can't you see? Why does it seem as though you have left me? Patiently He stood by my side, waiting for me to see that He was there - my path's surest guide. I couldn't see it, though. I was too focused on the weariness and exhaustion I felt.
It is now well past 8 pm as I write this. Exhausted. Sleep deprived. I try to hang on as NyQuil tells me it's time to close my eyes. Determined to end the day with the Lord, I opened a new book as part of my nightly devotions. And low and behold, I kid you not, the author spoke from 1 Corinthians 10:13.
God has a way. Refuse to give up. Although empty is your cup, He will come to fill it up. God provides the way - in the small and big things of the day.
All day long He's been speaking to me, giving me the very words I needed to hear and showing me that He is most certainly near. But, I must make the choice to listen to His voice. 1 Corinthians 10:13. It is my confirmation verse. It was with that very verse that I pledged my love and dedication to the Lord over 20+ years ago. And it was with that same verse that He pledged his love and dedication right back to me today.
Where have you gone, my Lord? When I seek You with all of my heart I will find you. I know just where to look for You, for You live within. When I follow Your will, I hear You as You calm the storm within. You tell - command - it to be still. Oh, how loving You is quite the thrill!
Empty is My Cup
Empty is my cup.
But faithful is Jesus. He comes to fill it up.
God is the Truth, the Light and the Way.
With His awesome power, made new is each and every day.
In the small and big things of the day,
God always provides the way.
He speaks to me in the quiet and still.
And my soul He once again does fill.
Through His Word He gives me the words I need to hear.
And I am reassured that He is ever so near.
To You, Oh Lord, I cry out in this perplexed state
Wondering I do if this is now my tethered fate.
The walls close in around me.
Darkness submerges and consumes. I can no longer see.
I am filled with endless fright,
As the world tries to snuff out my light.
Inside oh how my soul does ache.
I pray, Dearest Jesus, do not allow them my soul to take.
The battle is endless and long.
I fear I cannot go on. Without Your presence, I am not strong.
How do I stand above it all,
When I know how easy it is to falter and fall?
I fear this life is one endless fight.
I try to hang on. I push forward with all of my might.
I plead, oh Lord, cast from me the darkness that does consume.
Free me from this deadly tomb.
To me in my wretched state You do draw near.
Who or what shall I then fear!
Stronger than anything or anyone in this world You are.
From the east to the west Thy power reaches near and far!