Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

 

 

As I sit to write this, all is currently calm (strange, rare moment for a SP mom). My children are napping (yes, at the same time, and yes I am incredibly proud of this even though I cannot really take any direct credit for synchronizing their circadian sleep rhythms). In less than 24 hours all will not be calm, all will in fact be incredibly chaotic as I try to maneuver two young children who rely exclusively on me to get them up and moving and out the door in order that we all get where we need to be on time (envision a scene fit for a comedy sitcom really). I have set the bar high for myself this year. I WILL make it to work more days on time this year than last. Okay, so I guess it's not that high of an expectation considering I probably averaged close to 3 days on time last year... I digress.

 

Another transition is just around the corner (whether I am ready or not). Honestly, I am wondering how I will manage and how this will all shake out (if I'm being completely honest, I'm fearful). After this humbling admittance, I hang my head in the realization I am not putting my trust in God. I am, in fact, relying on my incompetence to do this by myself. Hmm...interesting revelation...When I'm focusing on my incompetence I only make myself more fearful, but when I look towards God's strength and trust that He wants to do good in my life the fear dissipates. He's moving me (and my children) to the next chapter in our lives.

 

My thoughts are drawn to Peter. He was initially trusting as God called him to come out from the comfort of his boat to meet Him on the water. When his eyes were on Jesus, the One he loved and trusted to do good in his life, he got out of the boat and started walking. Then, all things went down stream (literally, he began to sink). Fear had crept in. He saw the wind and took his eyes of Jesus (I wonder if he then thought to himself, "I'm walking on water! This doesn't make any sense now does it?! How am I doing this?!"). He couldn't have it both ways. As long as he felt (and entertained) the fear, he couldn't also put his trust and love in Jesus. He had to choose what it was going to be.

 

I wonder at this point if what Jesus really wanted to say was, "Ah, Peter! Really?! You were just walking on water like 2 seconds ago when your eyes were on me! Remember that?!" Actually, thank God (yes, literally) that He isn't like that with us and gives us continuous grace, love, forgiveness and re-teaching (yes, lots and lots of re-teaching). What Jesus in fact said as He reached out His hand for Peter (which I imagine was said with much more love), "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31).

 

So, I'm having a "Peter moment," wondering how I'll manage the new transition. But, when I look beyond my incompetence and fear, I see Jesus holding out His hand ready to catch me just as He did for Peter. He asks me why I am doubting Him and reminds me (ever so gently - thank you) that He has brought me through. He doesn't let me go. He tells me it's time to get up and go, to do the work He has planned in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:8-10). I am reminded (and humbled by His grace) that I'm focusing on myself and not living for Him. God will give me His grace to accomplish His work. He doesn't send us out empty handed.

 

He Doesn't Let Me Go

 

When I feel like the world is too much for me to handle,

He doesn't let me go.

When I feel as though I no longer matter,

He doesn't let me go.

When my spirit feels down and heavy-laden,

He doesn't let me go.

When I feel alone and want to retreat in isolation,

He doesn't let me go.

When the biggest trial and test of my life is in front of me,

He doesn't let me go.

 

He comes to me and says, "This I need for you to know - I will never let you go!

Though this earthly life will be filled with tests, seek me and I will give you rest. For I am your Father, Redeemer and Lover - the great Protector and Provider. I send with you my grace as you go to this new place, and My love I bestow upon you. Always remember I am with you - through and through."